I made myself small on the day my son died. As I cradled his stillness in my arms, rocking him rhythmically out of habit. While hours passed, feeling both like an eternity, and the blink of an eye. I knew … Continue Reading What Fear Took From Me
See that counter top? It’s where my 7 month old sons lifeless body lay, as my husband performed CPR. While … Continue Reading Home of the Past
It’s been 6 weeks since my hysterectomy with POP repair and perineal reconstruction. The initial few weeks were absolute hell and I questioned constantly, why I put myself through it. The pain was absolutely unreal, and I was in no … Continue Reading 6 Weeks Post-op
It’s been 20 days since my hysterectomy, and finally, the grief over losing the womb that grew and birthed my … Continue Reading 20 Days Post-Op
Sloan has been sending signs lately. His wind chime in the back garden has been rhythmically chiming as if intentional, with little to no breeze. Deers have visited daily on the hillside behind the house, frolicking about as the kids … Continue Reading Signs from Sloan
Day 5 Post-op from Vaginal Hysterectomy with tube removal, POP repair, and perineal muscle reconstruction. Yesterday we received the pathology … Continue Reading Pathology Results: Adenomyosis & PCS
*Vaginal hysterectomy with tube removal, POP repair, and perineal reconstruction* I had my surgery, and it was quite an ordeal. … Continue Reading Goodbye Uterus, it’s Surgery Day!
A common, and societal misconception tends to be that discussing grief and trauma = victimizing yourself. It can get so overwhelming to take stock of my traumas, to feel the weight of those experiences, and to carry them alone. And … Continue Reading Grieving is not synonymous with victim-hood.
Over the past two years I’ve watched as my husband gained the strength to take care of himself and his … Continue Reading Victim Blaming & Familial Emotional Abuse
I’m human, and sometimes words hurt. But it’s so frustrating that the thoughtless words of some stranger on the internet … Continue Reading I Don’t Have to be Grateful
-Each year, there are about 3,500 sudden unexpected infant deaths (SUID) in the United States. These deaths occur among infants less … Continue Reading What We Learned From Losing a Child to SIDS
In a little more than 30 days I’ll lose the ability to have children ever again. I haven’t talked about … Continue Reading Hysterectomy Day Looms
To other mamas with a stocking hanging from the mantle, that won’t be emptied by tiny hands tomorrow. I see you. As we usher in this holiday without our babies, some of us who’ve done this before, and some for … Continue Reading Merry Griefmas
I traced his entire face. Felt the bridge of his nose under my finger tips, the silk of his eyebrows, … Continue Reading Silence
Imagine for even 5 seconds what it would be like to face your child’s birthdays without them. Literally, without them. … Continue Reading Forgotten
7 months will never have been enough. I hate that we celebrate your birthdays without you. I hate that death … Continue Reading A Golden Birthday
