Today I would have been starting my second trimester. There’s such an aching that comes from preparing a place in your heart and your life for a child that never comes. We had a name, we had a plan. We had excitement and joy and fears and all that comes with getting ready for a new baby. And it was all stripped away from us at an ultrasound.
It’s been a month, and I don’t think about it every second of every day anymore, but it still comes to mind on days like today. Maybe it’s seeing Rowan experience firsts I will never get to witness that baby attempt, or seeing so many others post about their budding pregnancies or the newborn so and so is about to take home.
Grief is a weird thing. You’re fine one minute, and the next you’re broken. I know we will try again, and I know it’ll happen for us in time, but right now the loss stings and right now it is a very real emptiness.
Continuing hope, everlasting patience, and sheer determination will not only get us through this, but make the next blessing even more joyous. I know so.