Next week it will have been two years since we lost our second baby and last week marked 4 months since we lost our 3rd baby. It feels like ages ago, and like yesterday.
While dealing with loss, the grief and hurt can feel so incredibly all-consuming that finding comfort seems pretty impossible. And to those around us, it feels just as impossible to ease that hurt. I distinctly remember things done for us after our loss, but we also realize now that some things weren’t said or done just because those around us didn’t know what to do. Grief is a real weird thing. No one knows what to do with it, even the bereaved.
I’ve talked with so many other women who have experienced child loss, and though it’s somewhat comforting to have that empathy, no one has the same grief journey. You’re really on your own and forging this new territory where you have no map and no point of reference of what to expect. The way you experience life and your lens of perspective changes. The “old me” doesn’t exist anymore but I’ve learned how resilient and strong I am. In the scope of losing two babies…I have grown, I have strengthened.
Life after loss has been such growth and purpose. We lost two pregnancies in a little over a years time. We kept quiet and agonized in silence with the first, I chose to honor my husbands wishes and remain private about our devastation. With our second I had an overwhelming need to share our journey.
Being open and forthright about the loss of our pregnancies was something I needed to do for myself, and for so many others who have had to endure the same pain. It is so important that the 1in4 understand that they aren’t alone. I still have so much healing to do, but I have found that sharing my story has been the best way to honor it.
I have an appointment to address my secondary infertility issues on the 27th. We are longing for some answers, some hope, and some peace of mind. The journey to our second child may ask a lot more of us than we’d ever considered, but we are hopeful that someday it will all have been worth it.