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Moving into our new home has been a bittersweet experience. While unpacking, decorating and settling has been somewhat cathartic, its also been difficult not to think “I’d rather have him than all this.” It’s rough road and each new day of grief is so different from the last, yet ultimately feels the same because I can’t hold him through any of them. My arms and right hip actually physically ache to carry my baby, that’s been the hardest part. It literally hurts as if a part of my own body is gone and I’m having to learn how to “be” all over again.

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