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Needing the Hurt

Those eyes will never look into mine again. He will not search the room for me. He will not reach out for my arms. He will not smile when he hears my voice, or laugh when I tickle his feet. I will never again feel the warmth of his skin against mine, or pull my hair from his hands. Trying to remember the things that brought so much joy during his life, is so contrastingly agonizing since his death. Being a bereaved parent is full of struggles, as would be expected. But because child loss isn’t talked about widely enough, or often enough, most don’t have a grasp of our inner conflict. A large part of us wants to avoid the things that trigger our pain. And yet, another part of us wants to feel these things that hurt us, because it’s the only way we’re able to feel our babies at all anymore.

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