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Igniting the Flame

This is a heartbreaking post to write. To have to recognize just how hurtful and mean spirited people can be, EVEN when they know your story or circumstances. Sometimes, because of your story or circumstances.

Each year on July 3rd, the anniversary of Sloan’s death, we hold a small family and friends memorial for him. After the sun sets, we light tethered sky lanterns in his honor. Lantern Festivals originated centuries ago in other countries, (most specifically China and other Asian countries, but they’ve been held in thousands around the globe) to honor deceased family members. When they are done safely (tethered), they are absolutely breathtaking to witness.

We live on a hillside overlooking a large valley, the foothills, and Mt Rainier. Seeing the glow of the lanterns against the backdrop of the twinkling lights in the valley and the darkness of the hills behind it, is absolutely cathartic and beautiful. It’s our love for our sweet boy, lighting up the sky the way he lit up our lives.

July third is a week away now, and last night I had a confrontation with a neighboring couple on our street who threatened to “report” us if we do our memorial this year. Many hurtful and insensitive things were said. Afterwards my head was heavy with grief, and I cried heavy tears all night.

It’s heartbreaking that someone would be so uncaring, unsympathetic, unwavering in their goal to ruin a memorial for a deceased child. To further injure an already grieving family this way, especially a neighbor, is just abhorrent. As neighbors, as human beings, there’s a level of compassion I think we all expect from others. It’s unfortunate that expectation can be so easily met with disrespect and intentional hurt. I’ll never understand why the response couldn’t have been supportive and respectful. Why you wouldn’t want to hold your neighbor up during a difficult time in their lives.

My heart hurts. This home, this neighborhood, has been such a safe space for me since my son died. It has literally been therapeutic in all its beauty. Everything felt so right here and right now it feels tainted. I’m uncomfortable living near someone so heartless, someone who has such little regard for others.

This morning, because I am who I am, I got out of bed after crying all night and pulled myself together. I told myself I was done with the tears about this, and I contacted the Fire Marshal myself. I got expressed permission to have our tethered lantern memorial, in writing. I will not let my son’s anniversary be clouded by another’s lack of respect or compassion. Evil will not win.

Thank you to Harmony Design Shop for creating such a beautiful image of Justin lighting last years lantern for Sloan.

2 thoughts on “Igniting the Flame Leave a comment

  1. So proud of your family and even in the midst of pain and heartache, Sloan’s light will shine through!

    I am sorry you have a neighbor with less than stellar qualities. I can only hope and pray that what he/she puts out in the universe comes back to him/her. It’s the only way to learn sometimes. It’s a shame but know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers often and especially in the minutes, hours, days and weeks that hurt your hearts the most.


  2. Wow..I’m SO sorry! Big hugs, and good for you doing what was needed and continuing on! Your memorial sounds perfect, wish I had a ‘that was stupid’ button and could erase that hurtful interaction for you!


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