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Hello November! I’ve taken some time away from writing and posting lately. Life has been busy as we’ve settled into Rowan being in school, Phoenix turning into a little person instead of a baby, and ALL of us preparing for the new baby’s arrival in the coming weeks.

This also means Sloan’s 3rd birthday is right around the corner. (We haven’t yet decided how we plan to celebrate that). The holiday season was rough for me in the first 2 years after his death, I found myself unable to get into the mood or excitement everyone else always emits during this time of year. Holidays were a reminder of his absence, of the milestones missed, the presents he’d never unwrap, the photos he wouldn’t be in.

This year, I feel differently as we venture into the hustle and bustle of the holidays. I don’t think it’s because I am missing him any less, the longing for my child will never quiet. It isn’t because I am void of the triggers or ache, they’ll still surface.

It is growth. Growth in my grief, that allows me to feel all of those things, but to also finally let back in, the excitement and festive joy this season used to bring me. We will welcome our newest baby in this season, and that fact has been a great bit of light in itself. She will share the season of her birth with Sloan, she is another connection to him that keeps him close, and continues to intricately weave his story in another new way.

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