I want you to know, that when celebrities lose a child, they have real human emotions. They grieve just as heavily, they ache just as intensely, for the life that was stolen from them. And when you make hateful, dismissive, or judgmental remarks towards them, other bereaved parents can see it. Your words may not wound the celebrity who has millions of followers and probably won’t see what you’ve written, but among those millions of followers, are other parents who’ve had to endure the pain of child loss. We see the things you say. WE are wounded by your callousness. WE are your collateral.
We understand that you may find discomfort in seeing someone else bare their darkest hours, in seeing a photo of someone else’s deceased child. But please consider that as hard as it is for you to read or see, it is infinitely more difficult to live it, and continue living it every day.
Perhaps in the constant of sharing life’s more glamorous moments, numerous antidotes, and cups of pumpkin spice, you have become slightly desensitized and indifferent to things that push you to dig deeper.
Maybe the presence of grief on social media is a blunt reminder of how normal things can be until they aren’t. How alive a child is until they aren’t. But our stories matter, and your discomfort surrounding our realities, is not our concern.
It’s a difficult process of thoughts for those of us who grieve a child, to realize that there are people who expect us to censor our babies so as to appease their inability to cope with mortality. What’s even more difficult is realizing that we far too often DO find ourselves trying to word things in a more gentle way, glossing over just how traumatic, messy, terrifying, and devastating it all is.
The stigma surrounding grief and loss is painfully evident right now. But I want you to know, the grieving owe you NOTHING. Not one of us should be expected to soften or omit pieces of our stories in order to maintain the comfort or approval of others. We cannot change the narrative of our traumas. Death is real and we are not obligated to shrink our pain to make it easier for you.
* this blog included some rewrites of content from various previous blogs of mine. The sentiment remains.