Skip to content

Will I Run Out of Words?

Your 4th birthday is in 7 days and I wonder who you’d be. Would you have your brothers sensitive nature? Would you have your sisters wildness? Would your eyes still seem to contain the depths of all space and time?

I haven’t written about you in a while. In a way I think I’ve wanted to protect my heart, but I also know I sometimes feel as if I’ve run out of words. Will I ever? At what point will I just be echoing my past self? How many ways can one person explain pain? How many synonyms are there for death and the wake that it leaves? How many depictions of the effects of my trauma, is too many?

It’s like I’m just trying to find ways to make sure people aren’t forgetting you, and always feeling like the passage of time leaves my attempts futile. Parenting my grief over you will never feel like an appropriate replacement for parenting you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: