A little over 8 years ago I stood outside the cracked open door of an emergency department exam room, Justin beside me. I was 4 months pregnant with my first baby at the time, but I wasn’t there for myself. … Continue Reading What a Friends Loss Taught Me
Sloan was cremated 4 years ago today. I remember that it was an extremely painful day for me, it felt like reliving the trauma all over again. A secondary loss. I remember sitting in the funeral home two weeks prior, … Continue Reading Save it for a Rainy Day
My sweet Sloan,You are the magic of fluttering wings on a warm summer day,the heaviness of a downpour as autumn makes its way.You are the quiet winter snowfall on bare branches of trees,the sweetness of fresh blossoms dancing in a … Continue Reading 4 Years Without You
Probably the dumbest attempted insult I see over and over again in my grief journey, is “you’re doing this for attention”. Um, yeah, I AM. It’s not a newsflash. You didn’t unlock a mysterious diagnosis. I am 100% of the … Continue Reading It is for attention
July 3 will be 4 years since we woke up to every parents worst nightmare. I have been protecting myself from the painful anticipation of another upcoming “anniversary”. In previous years I’ve seen myself becoming trapped in the grief as … Continue Reading Another Memorial Looms
I made myself small on the day my son died. As I cradled his stillness in my arms, rocking him rhythmically out of habit. While hours passed, feeling both like an eternity, and the blink of an eye. I knew … Continue Reading What Fear Took From Me
See that counter top? It’s where my 7 month old sons lifeless body lay, as my husband performed CPR. While … Continue Reading Home of the Past
It’s been 6 weeks since my hysterectomy with POP repair and perineal reconstruction. The initial few weeks were absolute hell and I questioned constantly, why I put myself through it. The pain was absolutely unreal, and I was in no … Continue Reading 6 Weeks Post-op
It’s been 20 days since my hysterectomy, and finally, the grief over losing the womb that grew and birthed my … Continue Reading 20 Days Post-Op
Sloan has been sending signs lately. His wind chime in the back garden has been rhythmically chiming as if intentional, with little to no breeze. Deers have visited daily on the hillside behind the house, frolicking about as the kids … Continue Reading Signs from Sloan
Day 5 Post-op from Vaginal Hysterectomy with tube removal, POP repair, and perineal muscle reconstruction. Yesterday we received the pathology … Continue Reading Pathology Results: Adenomyosis & PCS
*Vaginal hysterectomy with tube removal, POP repair, and perineal reconstruction* I had my surgery, and it was quite an ordeal. … Continue Reading Goodbye Uterus, it’s Surgery Day!
A common, and societal misconception tends to be that discussing grief and trauma = victimizing yourself. It can get so overwhelming to take stock of my traumas, to feel the weight of those experiences, and to carry them alone. And … Continue Reading Grieving is not synonymous with victim-hood.
Over the past two years I’ve watched as my husband gained the strength to take care of himself and his … Continue Reading Victim Blaming & Familial Emotional Abuse
I’m human, and sometimes words hurt. But it’s so frustrating that the thoughtless words of some stranger on the internet … Continue Reading I Don’t Have to be Grateful
-Each year, there are about 3,500 sudden unexpected infant deaths (SUID) in the United States. These deaths occur among infants less … Continue Reading What We Learned From Losing a Child to SIDS