Category: Grief & Loss

We Don’t Need To Meet Your Definition of Complete

“He needs a brother!” “Bless his heart, only having sisters” “Better get on that tie breaker” I like to say … Continue Reading We Don’t Need To Meet Your Definition of Complete

I’m looking for who asked you

I’d like to suggest that anyone who has such a visceral reaction to someone else’s journey or methods, should probably … Continue Reading I’m looking for who asked you

I am not sorry

I will not apologize if telling my story makes you uncomfortable I will not apologize for being loud about the … Continue Reading I am not sorry

35 Years

Today is my 35th birthday. I’m so proud of myself, where I’m at today, how far I’ve come. The things … Continue Reading 35 Years

My sweet, beautiful SloanTomorrow is your 5th birthday. I wish, every second, of every day,that you were here with us.That I could cradle you in my armsand feel your breath on my skin.But by some unimaginable, twist of fate,-that is … Continue Reading A Letter to Sloan

What a Friends Loss Taught Me

A little over 8 years ago I stood outside the cracked open door of an emergency department exam room, Justin beside me. I was 4 months pregnant with my first baby at the time, but I wasn’t there for myself. … Continue Reading What a Friends Loss Taught Me

Save it for a Rainy Day

Sloan was cremated 4 years ago today. I remember that it was an extremely painful day for me, it felt like reliving the trauma all over again. A secondary loss. I remember sitting in the funeral home two weeks prior, … Continue Reading Save it for a Rainy Day

4 Years Without You

My sweet Sloan,You are the magic of fluttering wings on a warm summer day,the heaviness of a downpour as autumn makes its way.You are the quiet winter snowfall on bare branches of trees,the sweetness of fresh blossoms dancing in a … Continue Reading 4 Years Without You

It is for attention

Probably the dumbest attempted insult I see over and over again in my grief journey, is “you’re doing this for attention”. Um, yeah, I AM. It’s not a newsflash. You didn’t unlock a mysterious diagnosis. I am 100% of the … Continue Reading It is for attention

Heat Waves

I have had a deep connection to this song since I first heard it. Sloan died during a heat wave, the first week of July 2017. The world crumbled beneath us as birds chirped, and the sun shined through the … Continue Reading Heat Waves

Another Memorial Looms

July 3 will be 4 years since we woke up to every parents worst nightmare. I have been protecting myself from the painful anticipation of another upcoming “anniversary”. In previous years I’ve seen myself becoming trapped in the grief as … Continue Reading Another Memorial Looms

What Fear Took From Me

I made myself small on the day my son died. As I cradled his stillness in my arms, rocking him rhythmically out of habit. While hours passed, feeling both like an eternity, and the blink of an eye. I knew … Continue Reading What Fear Took From Me

Home of the Past

See that counter top? It’s where my 7 month old sons lifeless body lay, as my husband performed CPR. While … Continue Reading Home of the Past

20 Days Post-Op

It’s been 20 days since my hysterectomy, and finally, the grief over losing the womb that grew and birthed my … Continue Reading 20 Days Post-Op

Signs from Sloan

Sloan has been sending signs lately. His wind chime in the back garden has been rhythmically chiming as if intentional, with little to no breeze. Deers have visited daily on the hillside behind the house, frolicking about as the kids … Continue Reading Signs from Sloan

Grieving is not synonymous with victim-hood.

A common, and societal misconception tends to be that discussing grief and trauma = victimizing yourself. It can get so overwhelming to take stock of my traumas, to feel the weight of those experiences, and to carry them alone. And … Continue Reading Grieving is not synonymous with victim-hood.