A little over 8 years ago I stood outside the cracked open door of an emergency department exam room, Justin beside me. I was 4 months pregnant with my first baby at the time, but I wasn’t there for myself. … Continue Reading What a Friends Loss Taught Me
Sloan was cremated 4 years ago today. I remember that it was an extremely painful day for me, it felt like reliving the trauma all over again. A secondary loss. I remember sitting in the funeral home two weeks prior, … Continue Reading Save it for a Rainy Day
My sweet Sloan,You are the magic of fluttering wings on a warm summer day,the heaviness of a downpour as autumn makes its way.You are the quiet winter snowfall on bare branches of trees,the sweetness of fresh blossoms dancing in a … Continue Reading 4 Years Without You
Probably the dumbest attempted insult I see over and over again in my grief journey, is “you’re doing this for attention”. Um, yeah, I AM. It’s not a newsflash. You didn’t unlock a mysterious diagnosis. I am 100% of the … Continue Reading It is for attention
I have had a deep connection to this song since I first heard it. Sloan died during a heat wave, the first week of July 2017. The world crumbled beneath us as birds chirped, and the sun shined through the … Continue Reading Heat Waves
July 3 will be 4 years since we woke up to every parents worst nightmare. I have been protecting myself from the painful anticipation of another upcoming “anniversary”. In previous years I’ve seen myself becoming trapped in the grief as … Continue Reading Another Memorial Looms
I made myself small on the day my son died. As I cradled his stillness in my arms, rocking him rhythmically out of habit. While hours passed, feeling both like an eternity, and the blink of an eye. I knew … Continue Reading What Fear Took From Me
See that counter top? It’s where my 7 month old sons lifeless body lay, as my husband performed CPR. While … Continue Reading Home of the Past
It’s been 20 days since my hysterectomy, and finally, the grief over losing the womb that grew and birthed my … Continue Reading 20 Days Post-Op
Sloan has been sending signs lately. His wind chime in the back garden has been rhythmically chiming as if intentional, with little to no breeze. Deers have visited daily on the hillside behind the house, frolicking about as the kids … Continue Reading Signs from Sloan
A common, and societal misconception tends to be that discussing grief and trauma = victimizing yourself. It can get so overwhelming to take stock of my traumas, to feel the weight of those experiences, and to carry them alone. And … Continue Reading Grieving is not synonymous with victim-hood.
I’m human, and sometimes words hurt. But it’s so frustrating that the thoughtless words of some stranger on the internet … Continue Reading I Don’t Have to be Grateful
-Each year, there are about 3,500 sudden unexpected infant deaths (SUID) in the United States. These deaths occur among infants less … Continue Reading What We Learned From Losing a Child to SIDS
In a little more than 30 days I’ll lose the ability to have children ever again. I haven’t talked about … Continue Reading Hysterectomy Day Looms
To other mamas with a stocking hanging from the mantle, that won’t be emptied by tiny hands tomorrow. I see you. As we usher in this holiday without our babies, some of us who’ve done this before, and some for … Continue Reading Merry Griefmas
I traced his entire face. Felt the bridge of his nose under my finger tips, the silk of his eyebrows, … Continue Reading Silence
Life of Petersons 